With whom would you learn to dance? A friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or maybe alone?

[opendoor]

Finally, I doubt Tustusya is even interested in our answers. They are formulated much too vaguely and too little differentiated:
As a single in a metropolis, the situation is very different from being married in the desert, 2 hours away from the next supermarket. In my 60s I behave differently from being 24. The situation in tango or salsa is different from dancing country and folk dances at the community hall.

 

[David_In_CA]

This is a really interesting topic. It made me think: what do any two people offer one another, from a technical standpoint?

Ultimately, I think that when both halves of a partnership are roughly the same level, the answer will always be nothing. A weaker partner can hinder you and a stronger one can help, but someone about the same does neither. I don't think that's unique to beginners, either.

What do you mean by technical? I think that there are all sorts of technical points in, say, partner communication, that are much more challenging to work on without a partner.

For those things, having a partner, even one below your own level (at least once there's a certain level of competency), is helpful. Also for things like accounting for where your partner's legs are when taking your own steps, etc., shared weight movements, etc.

 

[fiesta0618]

@David_D, I wasn't considering partnering skills. I assumed a context where "having a partner" is given.

Regardless, I agree with you. Without a partner, it's all but impossible to improve partnering skills, and there is quite a bit of technical material in that domain. Moreover, partner-skill work is available and effective regardless of relative skill levels. The most helpful factor in practicing partnering, IMO, is not individual skill levels, but how frequently you practice with a single person. As in all practice, minimizing variables makes progress easier.

In my post, I was thinking of the ways where your partner can help you practice and improve individual skills.

 

[David_In_CA]

The most helpful factor in practicing partnering, IMO, is not individual skill levels, but how frequently you practice with a single person. As in all practice, minimizing variables makes progress easier.

Interesting approach; I can see the benefit, although you run the risk of developing your own shared idiolect*. In the social dance world where I'm from, the thinking is generally to rotate frequently to encourage development of communication skills that work more generally.

Aside from partnering skills, I'd imagine a partner to be useful in helping correct bad habits ("hey, remind me if you notice I'm starting to slouch"), and presumably even with a partner of equal skill, there will be some aspects which one person will be better at, and others where another will be better (lines, timing, musicality, etc.)

* Ok, I guess a shared idiolect is a dialect, but I don't know of a word to imply really-small-population-dialect.

 

[opendoor]

...having a partner, even one below your own level ..is helpful. Also for things like accounting for where your partner's legs are when taking your own steps, ..shared weight movements, etc.

Hi David, this thread is on partner dance, not solo. We are discussing various options concerning the quality, quantity and organization of that relationship between dancers. Of course it is necessary to learn where the follower's legs are, but you must not learn it with one and the same person all the time. And you must not be in love with her to lead her properly. Sometimes it is much easier, if you aren't!

 

[opendoor]

...you run the risk of developing your own shared idiolect*..

Some call this "style"

 

[David_In_CA]

Hi David, this thread is on partner dance, not solo. We are discussing various options concerning the quality, quantity and organization of that relationship between dancers. Of course it is necessary to learn where the follower's legs are, but you must not learn it with one and the same person all the time. And you must not be in love with her to lead her properly. Sometimes it is much easier, if you aren't!

Agreed. Fiesta was conjecturing that a partner of equal level wouldn't be helpful in technical development. I was providing examples where I thought they would be helpful.

 

[David_In_CA]

Some call this "style"

Yes, but you want to be able to dance with more than just your partner.

 

[Tango Distance]

There are many variables.

• I think most men need to be dragged to a dance studio by a romantic partner, and will not start on their own. That was certainly my case, and many men I have met say they started because of a girlfriend or spouse.
• Quite a few men, myself included ( I have a lengthy thread on the topic https://www.dance-forums.com/threads/not-touchy-feely.45840/ ) don't want to switch partners at first. That I have seen, they all come around eventually (myself included). This trait seems to be rare in women.
• To be completely honest, if my dear wife said let's not switch partners any more at dance parties, I would jump at that chance. She is too much the extrovert, she wants very much to dance with others, so that will never happen, so I dance with others, too. This is not to say I don't enjoy dances with others. I do, and have even gone to dances without my DW when I travel., but let's say dancing with my dear wife is an A+ experience for me.
• At first I would have just danced only with her for classes. If you read my thread you see the conversion to dancing with others in class was, shall we say, very heavily encouraged by DW. I now realize you learn more by practicing with others.
• Ladies seem to thrive just fine showing up alone or with someone.
• Having friends do the class with you makes things more fun. For example, my wife and I started Tango classes because a friend asked who wanted to join the fun. Another example is in my area some ethnic groups that have made dance their social focal point. We have some great new friends thanks to dance.

If you'd decided to go to a dance class, how'd you do it? Would you like to have a company or not and why? I'm doing research on dancing as social interaction, pros/cons, barriers and benefits, so I'd really appreciate your answer. Thank you.

 

[opendoor]

..think most men need to be dragged to a dance studio by a romantic partner, and will not start on their own..

With me and my peers it was the other way round: went to the studios and then lured them home!

 

[IndyLady]

My spouse and I started together, and he eventually drifted away after about five years (though knows enough to be proficient at weddings and social events).

I wholeheartedly agree that we follows *never* appreciate upfront how much harder the lead role is initially and that can and does cause consternation. I'm always shooting down people who say things like "taking dance lessons together sounds so romantic" - I'm like, no, it's a test of the strength of your relationship.

Also, we follows overestimate how good we really are at following. While it is true that the advanced level of a teacher may move us along a bit faster technically, instructors often compensate for our weaknesses without us knowing it and we think we're better than we actually are. And sorry, but yes, almost all instructors. See all the stories about asking them to dance full out like they are with a pro partner.... if they can't do that with us (and I want to be clear that "us" includes me personally), they are adjusting to some skill we don't have. Though again, I think this self-awareness can be mitigated by dancing with a number of partners. "Idiolect" is not reserved to amateur couples.. I've seen ladies (and gents), including "advanced" ones, totally fall apart when they are not partnered with their regular instructor.

I'm also not sure that learning completely separately from your spouse (etc) for a while instead of starting out together makes a difference. No matter what, when you initially pair off as a dance couple (on day 1 or day 500 of your respective training), you're still going to have unrealistic expectations of each other and baubles.

 

[Brummbaer]

With me and my peers it was the other way round: went to the studios and then lured them home!

I've always thought it a bit odd that there's usually a group of young lads propping up the bar and eyeing up the girls, scared to dance, rather than learning enough to join them.

I went with: 'What do women like'. Go to the places with lots of girls and little competition. Simples!

There are too many men who are scared, but then horrify their kids with 'dad dancing'.

 

[opendoor]

..lads propping up the bar and eyeing up the girls..

You got me wrong: I meant persuading with analogous facts: cabeceoing with a smile, hug her snuggly, lower the breathing rate, dancing the violins instead of the bass, make them look beautiful in your arms, acting confidently on the floor, make compliments, say goodbye with two besitos, stop and wink before the third , ..

 

[fiesta0618]

@Brummbaer There's a sad logic to it.

Dance is a form of expression. Expressing yourself, by nature, is a form of vulnerability. Men are "not supposed" to be vulnerable in any way. Or so it goes in my cultural environment.

Ironically, it takes a fair amount of courage and strength to embrace vulnerability. But afterward, you wonder what you were so scared of.

 

[Brummbaer]

You got me wrong: I meant persuading with analogous facts: cabeceoing with a smile, hug her snuggly, lower the breathing rate, dancing the violins instead of the bass, make them look beautiful in your arms, acting confidently on the floor, make compliments, say goodbye with two besitos, stop and wink before the third , ..

I don't think so. I went with your approach rather than propping up the bar!

At least, I think I did, it was a long time ago, but maybe it was a case of Die Frau verführt und lenkt... giving the man the illusion of thinking and deciding.