With whom would you learn to dance? A friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or maybe alone?
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opendoor
Forum Master
Alone of course!
-It forces you to integrate into the local community for getting into contact with many potential dance partners.
-It also forces you to optimize your social skills and behavior towards potential dance partners.
-Changing dance partners will force you to learn to be able to lead all possible weight classes and sizes, or to be led respectively.
-Changing dance partners lets you more easily adjust your technical abilities. Learning curves usually are different from one to another.
I did it this way. I saw so many problems (technical as human) when dancers started with their girlfriend, husband or a long-term dance partner.
-It forces you to integrate into the local community for getting into contact with many potential dance partners.
-It also forces you to optimize your social skills and behavior towards potential dance partners.
-Changing dance partners will force you to learn to be able to lead all possible weight classes and sizes, or to be led respectively.
-Changing dance partners lets you more easily adjust your technical abilities. Learning curves usually are different from one to another.
I did it this way. I saw so many problems (technical as human) when dancers started with their girlfriend, husband or a long-term dance partner.
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With a partner. You want someone you can practice with outside class. It would not be fun to take partner to a bar with dancing and not be able to try what you learned.
Opendoor is right about the benefits of going alone. Sticking to your partner during class would be a big mistake.
Opendoor is right about the benefits of going alone. Sticking to your partner during class would be a big mistake.
When I was a total beginner, I definitely wanted to come with someone. In my case, that was my husband, so were were a lead-follow pair. But I'd have signed up for a class with a follow friend too. It's nice to have company you know when doing almost anything.
Later on, I took private lessons with me only. Progress is much faster dancing with someone who can dance than with someone who can't. It's more than twice as fast.
Later on, I took private lessons with me only. Progress is much faster dancing with someone who can dance than with someone who can't. It's more than twice as fast.
I learnt with my girlfriend - who became my wife. I had actually started dance before she came along, but it sort of focussed us to dance.
We're still together after 40+ years - and still dancing, having eventually moved to AT as more challenging. That doesn't mean we only dance with each other, but it does give someone to practice with when you wake up. I suppose I've always seen it as partially my fault if she can't achieve some move, so we've always been able to break down eventually where something isn't working.
It's not a good idea to restrict yourself to one partner when learning to dance, but that's what we tended to find in ballroom (but I know that doesn't apply everywhere).
Personally I'd recommend with a partner, but I do hear a lot of stories about couples falling out over dance.
We're still together after 40+ years - and still dancing, having eventually moved to AT as more challenging. That doesn't mean we only dance with each other, but it does give someone to practice with when you wake up. I suppose I've always seen it as partially my fault if she can't achieve some move, so we've always been able to break down eventually where something isn't working.
It's not a good idea to restrict yourself to one partner when learning to dance, but that's what we tended to find in ballroom (but I know that doesn't apply everywhere).
Depends on your motivation for going. Personally dance was a side activity at the time, but became something to do together.
Only ever found partner dance interesting. It depends on local interest in your location. You can be the only single dancer, and in demand. Conversely you can find you're the only unattached female/male and struggling for a partner.
Personally I'd recommend with a partner, but I do hear a lot of stories about couples falling out over dance.
I'd want to learn with a partner, for a few reasons.
First, as @Greybeard says: you'll have a lot more opportunities to practice when you have a dedicated practice buddy.
Second, social reasons. In my cultural circles, dancing is not something men generally do. And if they DO take part, then they must be excellent at it. These are the unspoken norms. With that unconscious baggage, it would be intimidating for me, as a man, to jump into a dance class alone. With a partner, we at least can share our ignorance, commiserate, and encourage one another.
Third, personal psychology. I am not extroverted, and I'm not perfectly comfortable being touched by total strangers. I would be much more comfortable learning dance alongside someone that I'm already OK sharing personal space with.
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But as @opendoor points out, only dancing with one person can be limiting. So I would branch out at times and dance with others, but I'd always be most comfortable with one steady dance companion.
First, as @Greybeard says: you'll have a lot more opportunities to practice when you have a dedicated practice buddy.
Second, social reasons. In my cultural circles, dancing is not something men generally do. And if they DO take part, then they must be excellent at it. These are the unspoken norms. With that unconscious baggage, it would be intimidating for me, as a man, to jump into a dance class alone. With a partner, we at least can share our ignorance, commiserate, and encourage one another.
Third, personal psychology. I am not extroverted, and I'm not perfectly comfortable being touched by total strangers. I would be much more comfortable learning dance alongside someone that I'm already OK sharing personal space with.
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But as @opendoor points out, only dancing with one person can be limiting. So I would branch out at times and dance with others, but I'd always be most comfortable with one steady dance companion.
open_mind
Active Member
My very first ballroom class was a beginner level 30min class that the studio was having weekly before the social dancing parties and I went with my husband. Poor guy struggled through 2-step (it wasn’t even ballroom!), just couldn’t do the basic step pattern, I never knew he was so uncoordinated! He hated the whole experience and vowed to never come back. I, on the other hand, signed up for private lessons right there on the spot.
So yes, for the very first class I think it’s natural to bring a partner or a friend so it’s not so intimidating (even if your friend is a follower as you are). From that point, your ballroom journey could take many directions, and having a permanent partner may help you navigate that journey, but it’s not necessary. Not having a permanent partner in the beginning may even help you and encourage to take own responsibility for learning. Later on, once you get out of the beginner zone, it’s a completely different story....
So yes, for the very first class I think it’s natural to bring a partner or a friend so it’s not so intimidating (even if your friend is a follower as you are). From that point, your ballroom journey could take many directions, and having a permanent partner may help you navigate that journey, but it’s not necessary. Not having a permanent partner in the beginning may even help you and encourage to take own responsibility for learning. Later on, once you get out of the beginner zone, it’s a completely different story....
ProgressNotPerfection
Forum Master
Initially, I took lessons with my husband, so we’d have a new activity to do together. He didn’t love it and refused to practice, so he stopped taking lessons. By then I was smitten with learning to dance, so I continued private lessons by myself.
This approach will likely bite me in the @ss down the road when my current teacher moves or retires, but at that time, I’ll find another pro to take lessons from and compete with. Serial monogamy, lol.
Absolutely true for me! Also, one of the things I learned about myself is that I don’t care so much about dancing socially, with multiple partners; I’d rather have only one dance partner - my instructor - and try to get really good at dancing with him. So my focus turned more towards pro/am competition, which isn’t something I ever expected when I started lessons.
This approach will likely bite me in the @ss down the road when my current teacher moves or retires, but at that time, I’ll find another pro to take lessons from and compete with. Serial monogamy, lol.
Not exactly what was asked, but related: There are probably exceptions, and others may convey nuanced specific experiences, but "learning to dance together" is probably *not* a useful tool for existing couples to use in attempts to fix relationship *problems*.
There is a fair chunk of information about the nuances of social interactions, benefits, and pitfalls in partner dancing at this etiquette site:
There is a fair chunk of information about the nuances of social interactions, benefits, and pitfalls in partner dancing at this etiquette site:
Elements of Dance Etiquette
How to dress and conduct oneself during a dance. All you need to know about dress codes and appropriate conduct at a dance.
personal.utdallas.edu
PNP,
I do like to dance socially. Dancing with my husband is very fun even if he's not as good as NYG or OYG. I like social dance parties too and (perhaps oddly) really like dancing with people who are total beginners.
I also do like dancing with people who I think are better than I am. But I do think NYG is correct. I'm beginning to recognize that I am better than I think I am.
Just before the quarantine, I went to dance social at a local place. There was a waltz class before the party. One of the other students asked me for a waltz during the party and lead several steps I recognized I don't know, which I knew I followed fine. But I also knew I had no idea what they were. So when we were done, I said something like, "I hope I was ok! You lead so well I was able to follow steps I don't know!" He said it never occurred to him I didn't know them! But in my mind that was all his ability... but I guess I now know it's also partly mine! (I'd started to have some connection by then. Three months earlier.... not so much.)
They probably weren't stupendously difficult steps, and likely if judged my technique wasn't great. But having connection and following well enough that the lead think you followed is a skill and I know I should give myself credit for that!
Oh.. I also know I can now "not wobble" even though my husband still does. So that's also a big skill, and it's tested with social dancing. Obviously, NYG doesn't wobble.
All in all, I think social dancing is fun. But doing it occasionally is also a test of your growing skills.
I do like to dance socially. Dancing with my husband is very fun even if he's not as good as NYG or OYG. I like social dance parties too and (perhaps oddly) really like dancing with people who are total beginners.
I also do like dancing with people who I think are better than I am. But I do think NYG is correct. I'm beginning to recognize that I am better than I think I am.
Just before the quarantine, I went to dance social at a local place. There was a waltz class before the party. One of the other students asked me for a waltz during the party and lead several steps I recognized I don't know, which I knew I followed fine. But I also knew I had no idea what they were. So when we were done, I said something like, "I hope I was ok! You lead so well I was able to follow steps I don't know!" He said it never occurred to him I didn't know them! But in my mind that was all his ability... but I guess I now know it's also partly mine! (I'd started to have some connection by then. Three months earlier.... not so much.)
They probably weren't stupendously difficult steps, and likely if judged my technique wasn't great. But having connection and following well enough that the lead think you followed is a skill and I know I should give myself credit for that!
Oh.. I also know I can now "not wobble" even though my husband still does. So that's also a big skill, and it's tested with social dancing. Obviously, NYG doesn't wobble.
All in all, I think social dancing is fun. But doing it occasionally is also a test of your growing skills.
PNP is progress not perfection, a frequent commenter.
NYG is my pro, who I call "New Young Guy" here.
I used to have two pros. One was NYG, one was OYG (old young guy.)
My husband has started some lessons with OYG during the pandemic, but I haven't replaced his name. (FWIW, I think OYG is younger than NYG. The N and Y have to do with when I first had them for lessons.)
Which of social and competitive dancing is "the" supreme discipline is debatable. I think it's something of a value judgment. If you are a competition dancer, I think some social dancing is useful. If you are a social dancer, I think some competitive training is useful.
Social dancing with a variety of partners forces leads and follows to really lead and follow and not rely on the follow actually knowing the routine ahead of time. It also forces the lead to deal with traffic which is going to happen in competition. I know for me, it helps me cope with the distraction of other obstacles. (I've gotten distinctly worse at this during the pandemic when I've had the luxury of lessons with almost no one else in the studio.)
Competitive training forces people to attend to fundamentals. It also helps you reach further. It helps you detect things that are really 'you' and not the 'other person'. I know I would never have fixed my posture, or learned to really move myself after a lead in social waltz, foxtrot or tango. I would take relatively small hesitant steps because, generally, the lead isn't moving all that much either. Socially, often neither person wants to push the other one out of their comfort zone.
NYG is my pro, who I call "New Young Guy" here.
I used to have two pros. One was NYG, one was OYG (old young guy.)
My husband has started some lessons with OYG during the pandemic, but I haven't replaced his name. (FWIW, I think OYG is younger than NYG. The N and Y have to do with when I first had them for lessons.)
Which of social and competitive dancing is "the" supreme discipline is debatable. I think it's something of a value judgment. If you are a competition dancer, I think some social dancing is useful. If you are a social dancer, I think some competitive training is useful.
Social dancing with a variety of partners forces leads and follows to really lead and follow and not rely on the follow actually knowing the routine ahead of time. It also forces the lead to deal with traffic which is going to happen in competition. I know for me, it helps me cope with the distraction of other obstacles. (I've gotten distinctly worse at this during the pandemic when I've had the luxury of lessons with almost no one else in the studio.)
Competitive training forces people to attend to fundamentals. It also helps you reach further. It helps you detect things that are really 'you' and not the 'other person'. I know I would never have fixed my posture, or learned to really move myself after a lead in social waltz, foxtrot or tango. I would take relatively small hesitant steps because, generally, the lead isn't moving all that much either. Socially, often neither person wants to push the other one out of their comfort zone.
opendoor
Forum Master
And who after all is FWIW? (Could you make a list for us non-english speaking members?)
This conception is part of the problem. If someone needs pressure to grow, he/she should quit dancing. Dancing is an art form, but not a sort of sadomasochist compensation of some shortcomings. Also, competitive training usually trains down all fundamentals. How, at all, can you argue for the contrary, lucia? Every choreography, every competitive performance actualky sacrifices the basics to the aimed goal.
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