Dance Instructor Dating a Student

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I won't pretend to have much experience dating. I only ever dated one person, and have been happily married for over a decade. I would say don't even think about ending your relationship. Enjoy it. I don't care how young or old you are, youth is fleeting, and life is short. You just have to be up front about it with your bosses (which as far as I can tell, you are currently failing at). Go talk to your bosses this second, tell them what's going on. See what options they give you.

Best case, they'll look the other way, worst case, you won't be able to teach there any more, and will have to search for a new studio. Something in between is certainly possible. If they like you enough, they'll let you take some time off, and figure things out. Once you decide whether your relationship is serious or not, you may be able to resume teaching there. In the meantime, you can look for guest teaching opportunities at other studios, do floor rental for teaching private lessons, or find another temp job, depending on your financial situation and duration of your break. If you lie or hide your relationship, you will not have an amicable termination, and likely will not be able to work again at that studio, or possibly any other local studio. Mistakes like this can haunt you for life. So, don't lie about it, and don't try to hide it.
 
Larinda McRaven said:
Most Non-Frat are for the entire staff/student body. You aren't even supposed to go to ballgames with another teachers student. Studio outings where ALL teachers and students are involved are the only way to interact. It levels the playing field and keeps people from getting hurt or territorial.
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After a studio event, a few of us went out to dinner/drinks afterwards. My teacher didn't go, but I ended up talking for most of the evening with one of the other teachers where he casually mentioned his weekend plans with his girlfriend. I was completely GRILLED by one of his students the next time I was in the studio about why he told me about his girlfriend when I'm not his student and she didn't even know about it.

Now add a "secret romance" into that and it can get crazy.

Non-Frat rules are the best way to go.
 
FWIW, I've been in a studio where teachers and students socialize a lot and that can be fine. (And even there dating was discouraged, though not banned as adults will do what adults will do, and the attitude was very much 'on your head be it' if it goes wrong, including if a student quit over it.) Thing is, parties and going for drinks work only if everyone's more or less on an even footing, and that's hard to maintain when there's dating involved, and provided that does NOT change any business rules-ie the one who goes for drinks still pays the same. (Neither studio I've bought from ever does any price fixing-at the more 'social' one, everyone paid the same, at the one I'm at now some teachers cost more than others, but they're more than others for EVERYONE.) It's mostly about how the parties involve handle it and starting off with sneaking around would not be the way to make it palatable to everyone else.
 
twnkltoz said:
Yep, and in the case I know, he owned the studio.
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I know of a few cases, but they also all involved studio owners.

However, I am also under the impression that it's not an uncommon career path for female dance instructors who are not serious competitors to meet a rich student who is the right guy, quit their jobs, and get married to him. I'm not sure where I get that impression.

I agree with those who say the original poster will need to make a choice between the teaching relationship and the romantic relationship. I also agree that the original poster should talk to her employers, especially as they seem like good people and might have some good advice about the situation.
 
LatinaLover...How close are you to your bosses? Can you talk openly with them? Can another instructor take him as a student?
You don't want to live with the regret of not seeing if it could work. I don't believe you should have to choose between a relationship and your job...If you guys are really crazy for one another there should be a way to work it out. If I was crazy for a student and he for me or vise versa, there would be no stopping me..I would find a way. But be careful...and be smart. You should know after about 3 months if it something that you want to continue. I would keep it quiet until then, and if you think you are in love, talk to your boss.
 
The studio I'm currently a member of does not have any anti-frat policy. That said, many of the teachers do put up barriers to protect themselves from something like this happening. Like others said before you do hear of stuff like this working out, but a majority of the times it ends up blowing up in your face.

That said, I guess I'm my own hypocrite as I messed around with an instructor of mine for a few months. It did not end well, and he was actually fired for it even though I was no longer a student at the time when they found out. Things were a lot more fun when he was actually my instructor and we were messing around... and things fizzled fast when he was no longer that.

If you care about your job, drop him as a student. Push him off to another instructor perhaps at your own studio.

I think discretion is the best advice I can give here. Don't lie, but definitely do not tell your employer about this.
 
This "non frat" policy applies mainly to studio staffers. "Independent contractors" haven't been mentioned. Do non frat policies apply to them as well?
 
My take on the come clean now vs. try to hide relationship until OP can see whether or not it will last options:

1. If OP tells her employers what is going on, she may or may not lose her job. She will have the satisfaction of knowing she is doing the right thing now, even if she did not before.

2. If OP does not tell her employers what is going on and they find out, she will almost certainly be fired.

3. Maybe it's because of when I grew up and Watergate, but I think OP would be better off assuming that her employers are going to find out.

OP hasn't posted since Thursday. Maybe, somehow, the situation has resolved--student had to move back home suddenly because of family issues.
 
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