Having problems with my wife dancing with other men

JournalInTime said:
When "I don't understand!" becomes "You shouldn't do it because I don't get it!", I start to worry. As I said before, that's a case of living in ignorance leading to controlling behavior.
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Well... yes. It was the former. Lots of people like to use "I just don't understand" to imply, "And if I don't understand, then you should stop whatever." After all: Generally, why else would you bother to say it?

Yeah... I don't understand why my brothers in law spend oodles on their Ferrari. But I don't need to. It's no skin off my nose. When they discuss their car or their car shows I don't say "I don't understand". Likewise, they don't respond to Jim and me discussing spending ridiculous amounts of money on competition clothes or lessons with "I don't understand." There's no good reason to be telling each other we don't understand each others hobbies.
 
Improvisedsteps said:
..My wife is taking tango classes and I’m having difficulties with it.. don’t know how to handle this in a constructive way..
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My first comment years ago was very cautious, as I learned that free speech and clear words are not well received in the States. Nevertheless, I think you could tell from my post what I think: you cannot bind a partner to you permanently by shielding her from other influences. A partner is not personal property, she/he is only devoted to you for a limited time. Nothing lasts forever, carpe diem.
 
Bailango said:
A bit of truth in exaggerated form :D
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Yes, that dance style looks as if teenagers are trying to scare their parents. Well, if the parents dance tango, then they might be of the opinion that it can be much more "pleasant" if you have a close embrace, more or less constant contact in the chest area, and a full tanda ... than if you wobble quickly on a country path.

In my opinion tango is not tango, it really depends on whether you are trying to get your steps right in a class at arm's length apart, or whether you are dancing intensely in a close embrace at a milonga. As far as I know, couple dancing is the only pastime that is preferably done with physical contact with the opposite sex. In other words, if you just want to move to music, you can also go line dancing.

Ultimately, in a relationship you have to talk about it if one of the partners has a greater need for physical contact than the relationship can accommodate. Perhaps the other partner who doesn't want to dance also has a greater need? What could be a suited compensation then?

BTW, a tango teacher told my ex-gf that men actually like it when she doesn't wear a bra. Well, who am I to contradict a professional tango teacher? At high-key events she sometimes followed the advice, but could still get jealous quickly. That's just life...
 
ArbeeNYC said:
I'd say that's overstepping the bounds of what a teacher is for by quite a bit. Really, it's none of his business.
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Agree.

I will also add that’s a junk advise. Never heard any man talking anything remotely about this aspect. Personally speaking I doubt when dancing I will able to tell or sense either way!
 
Bailango said:
I will also add that’s a junk advise. Never heard any man talking anything remotely about this aspect. Personally speaking I doubt when dancing I will able to tell or sense either way!
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That may be the case, but isn't the most important thing that you are not the jealous guy who prevents his girlfriend from developing her personality? We were together for several years after that, btw.

Since then I have shared a hotel room with a dance partner four times during weekend tango events; three times for practical and financial reasons, and only once did it turn romantic. So even there would be little reason for a non-dancing partner to be jealous - statistically speaking. We live in modern times...
 
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itwillhappen said:
That may be the case, but isn't the most important thing that you are not the jealous guy who prevents his girlfriend from developing her personality? We were together for several years after that, btw.

Since then I have shared a hotel room with a dance partner four times during weekend tango events; three times for practical and financial reasons, and only once did it turn romantic. So even there would be little reason for a non-dancing partner to be jealous - statistically speaking. We live in modern times...
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Okay. But I am not sure I get the point you are trying to make.
 
Bailango said:
Okay. But I am not sure I get the point you are trying to make.
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My point is, that it's not very helpful to dismiss someone as "the jealous guy who prevents his girlfriend from developing her personality". For most of us, there is a threshold at which we react, and "more" is always possible. Perhaps it is not about spontaneous jealousy, but about expectations of a relationship. And if there is too little agreement, at some point you have to find compromises or accept the consequences. There I have my doubts as to whether in this case the half-hearted salsa classes proveded to be a viable compromise.
 
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