How to reject and what to do when rejected?

wadpro

wadpro

Member
How should ladies reject men? I think a woman should always accept dance offers and if she is not happy with her partner she should dance with him during at least 1 song. If a woman doesnt want to dance with a meb in any condition, she should be polite and honest. For example, "i am tired, i have just sat, sorry but i dont like this song very much maybe next song, i have a problem with my foot (leg)", etc...

When I was a really beginner (2 months student) a woman had rejected me very rudely. When I offered her to dance, she had told me "1 year later". I am not a beginner right now but I will never dance wtih her because she is in my blacklist :)

How about men?What should man do after rejection? After rejection, a man can continue to walk and he can behave as if he goes to restroom :) He can also make another dance offer to another lady sitting next to first woman :) Another option is to insist by saying "come on just for song" :p
 
wadpro said:
I think a woman should always accept dance offers and if she is not happy with her partner she should dance with him during at least 1 song.
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No. What you suggest is generally considered more rude. Walking off the floor early is generally reserved for more serious things.

If a woman doesnt want to dance with a meb in any condition, she should be polite and honest. For example, "i am tired, i have just sat, sorry but i dont like this song very much maybe next song, i have a problem with my foot (leg)", etc...
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Not sure what you meant by "meb." Generally, yes. But if a woman does not want to dance with a particular man, it's pretty rude to offer an explanation ("I am tired and sitting this one out.") and then get up to dance with someone else. This is where a simple "No, thank you" comes in handy. We can have our reasons for not accepting. It doesn't have to be done rudely, but rejection is a valid option.

Havent we had this discussion errr before? :rolleyes:
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Oy. Yes, we have. Started by the same OP. Let's hope it doesn't go in the same direction as the last time.
 
no way on earth are you in the real world. We are not at primary school here. I do not have to let any man put his hands on me, I can refuse however I want. If I think a "no thank you is kinder than saying, "sod off you have BO/ bad breath/can't dance/are a lecherous old creep/I've already filled my 'pity' [not my personal feeling but other threads have mentioned this whether we like it or not] dance quota" I will. Everyone has the right to refuse, man or woman.

Get over it and stop this pathetic charade of a 'discussion' now.
 
In addition, not to be insulting, but I really don't think that even after 2 or 5 years anyone with self awareness thinks they are "no longer a beginner" it's a long, hard mountainous ascent.
 
Blimey wadpro, you do put your foot in it, don't you? :D

wadpro said:
How should ladies reject men? I think a woman should always accept dance offers and if she is not happy with her partner she should dance with him during at least 1 song.
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I disagree.

No-one should have to dance with anyone, even for one song. My personal creed is "No smellies / pervs / yankers" - that is, I think it's fine not to accept a dance with someone who smells bad, who's giving unwanted lech, or who may harm you.

In fact, I think more women should refuse on that basis.

Now, where there's some disagreement is on the "other terms". I think it's fair to say that a true BsAs-style purist (e.g. Jantango) would say that it's completely acceptable to refuse a dance invitation from a beginner, or from someone you don't know, or if the invitation was not issued in the correct way, or for any other reason the woman wants.

Personally, I'm closer to the "Hell, you're there to dance, so dance" end of the spectrum.

But there's plenty of room for other views in between those two points.

wadpro said:
When I was a really beginner (2 months student) a woman had rejected me very rudely. When I offered her to dance, she had told me "1 year later". I am not a beginner right now but I will never dance wtih her because she is in my blacklist :)
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Firstly, aren't you the same person who sparked off a massive thread because you refused a dancer yourself? Frankly, I can't see you holding the moral high ground on this area. Basically, you seem to hold grudges more than is sensible.

wadpro said:
How about men?What should man do after rejection? After rejection, a man can continue to walk and he can behave as if he goes to restroom :) He can also make another dance offer to another lady sitting next to first woman :)
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Well, this is what the cabaceo is for, to minimise public humiliation.

I'd say that you need to hone your technique of asking.

wadpro said:
Another option is to insist by saying "come on just for song" :p
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Christ, no. Don't even think about it. "No" means "no". It's a milonga not a flippin' nightclub.
 
I will not ask every woman to dance, only those that I want to dance with because they dance well. That being said, if a woman were to ask me to dance, I would always accept. The reason is that I feel that it took a lot of guts to ask and I'm not going to give her a loss but rather a win for doing so. These are just my own ethics. If I'm paying to get into the dance, I dance with whom I please..but if a woman asks me, I dance with her, too.
 
wadpro said:
How should ladies reject men? I think a woman should always accept dance offers and if she is not happy with her partner she should dance with him during at least 1 song. If a woman doesnt want to dance with a meb in any condition, she should be polite and honest. For example, "i am tired, i have just sat, sorry but i dont like this song very much maybe next song, i have a problem with my foot (leg)", etc...

When I was a really beginner (2 months student) a woman had rejected me very rudely. When I offered her to dance, she had told me "1 year later". I am not a beginner right now but I will never dance wtih her because she is in my blacklist :)

How about men?What should man do after rejection? After rejection, a man can continue to walk and he can behave as if he goes to restroom :) He can also make another dance offer to another lady sitting next to first woman :) Another option is to insist by saying "come on just for song" :p
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A women doesn't have to dance with you if she doesn't want to, and if you don't like her rejection, you don't have to ever ask her to dance again. It's as simple as that. Some people are nice, and some people are rude. My advice, deal with it. This is part of being a guy, so get over it.

As for what to do after a rejection, you can either get over it and try to have a nice dance with someone else, or you can let it ruin your night. (BTW, the insisting thing you mentioned is the absolute worst choice of the ones you mentioned, IMO). In the end, it's up to you which choice you make.

Women will dance with you for a variety of reasons: either they like how you dance, they like you personally, they are nice enough to perform some "charity" dances, or they are so desperate that they will dance with anyone. If you are getting rejected a lot, then none of these things would seem to be going for you very much.

Obviously, I haven't seen what actually happened, but based upon what you have posted, my opinion is that you need to focus more on what you can do better.
 
Wadpro, why are you so hung up on this rejection thing?

wadpro said:
How should ladies reject men?
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Politely.
but if they don't that is their problem, don't make it yours.
If some of the attitude that is coming across generelly in these rejection threads of yours, is also coming across at Milongas and classes you attend, I suspect that you are getting a hard time. If so it is the attitude causing it.

I think a woman should always accept dance offers and if she is not happy with her partner she should dance with him during at least 1 song.
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It is a bigger insult to walk away after one dance compared to saying no to start with.

If a woman doesnt want to dance with a meb in any condition, she should be polite and honest. For example, "i am tired, i have just sat, sorry but i dont like this song very much maybe next song, i have a problem with my foot (leg)", etc...
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I think "meb in any condition" = "me under any circumstances".

Her only responsability is to refuse you politely, no reason has to be given. If part of that politeness is giving a lame excuse in your opinion I don't see the problem.
Except that maybe she dances with someone else straight after rejecting you. That is hurtful. If this is happening regularly then I go back to what I said before about your own atitude. I have found this to be a very rare occurance generally.


When I was a really beginner (2 months student) a woman had rejected me very rudely. When I offered her to dance, she had told me "1 year later". I am not a beginner right now but I will never dance wtih her because she is in my blacklist :)
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If a person has been rude to you in the past, it is a reasonable course of action to not ask her to dance in the future. But don't go round bad mouthing her to anybody that will listen. This will be taken a sign that the woman was right and it will help to give you a bad reputation.

How about men?What should man do after rejection? After rejection, a man can continue to walk and he can behave as if he goes to restroom :)
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Good ideas

He can also make another dance offer to another lady sitting next to first woman :)
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Why do that? If the second woman has seen the rejection, which is likely, that increases your chances of getting rejected by her as well. It seems to me the only reason to specifically ask that woman is to show needle to the woman that rejected you. All that is going to do is to enhance a bad reptation.

Hence a loose/loose result for you. Reducing your chances of an acceptance and giving people ammunition when they want to talk badly about you..
Another option is to insist by saying "come on just for song" :p
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Wadpro not a good idea. If you have been doing this all it would have done is give you a bad reputation. Worse still the more successful this tactic is for you, the worse the reputation. Because the only ladies that will say yes are the ones that want to avoid trouble and that will only enhance a bad reputation for yourself due to the additional resentment this causes.
 
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