Dave Bailey
Active Member
That's pretty much how I envisaged it, yes.
Really? How surprising.
Hold on, I thought Jantango said the opposite?
Milonga codes of Buenos Aires accepted in Hong Kong milonga
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bastet
Active Member
Hold on, I thought Jantango said the opposite?
That's what I recall. It's been said several times..."no" means "no" forever....(unless you are on top of the pile???)
Captain Jep
Active Member
Just as well Im the forgetful sort ...
Im not really clear on quite how the cabaceo is supposed to work unless you are more or less directly opposite the person in question. God knows how difficult it is to get someone's attention when they're sitting down watching the dancing. If you dont come into their field of vision you might as well not exist. And even then simply staring at them doesnt do the trick. You have to waggle your ears, do a head stand, turn bright red or something similar.
In these circumstances you would think it would be reasonably easy to pretend not to see someone. Unless they really do have X ray spectacles...
Lui
Active Member
@ Captain Jep
try my recipe, You are thinking is much to complicate.
@ denying a dance
If a woman does not return the the cabezeo. Well, that's life and no big deal. Except when she obviously ignores one of the top dancers, then many "inferior" dancer might not invite her. The idea is: “If she feels too superior to dance with him, why should she put up with me”. An exception form the exception would be, if there is a known quarrel between the two persons and a third “inferior” dancer finally sees a chance to win the woman. An exception to exception of the exception ... . Well you get the idea, this are no laws but general guidelines or customs, like rules for clothing.
If a woman refuses a man in “public”, he will “never ever” dance with him. Mind you that Argentines love drama, so “never ever” might be translated with, “until we forget about it” or “until we have something better to be furious about."
try my recipe, You are thinking is much to complicate.
@ denying a dance
If a woman does not return the the cabezeo. Well, that's life and no big deal. Except when she obviously ignores one of the top dancers, then many "inferior" dancer might not invite her. The idea is: “If she feels too superior to dance with him, why should she put up with me”. An exception form the exception would be, if there is a known quarrel between the two persons and a third “inferior” dancer finally sees a chance to win the woman. An exception to exception of the exception ... . Well you get the idea, this are no laws but general guidelines or customs, like rules for clothing.
If a woman refuses a man in “public”, he will “never ever” dance with him. Mind you that Argentines love drama, so “never ever” might be translated with, “until we forget about it” or “until we have something better to be furious about."
Ampster
Active Member
So much emotional baggage! 
As a leader, when you get turned down for a tanda, either via cabeceo, or vebally (if you went up and asked), it should be no big deal. Don't take it personally, she has her reasons. Move on, find somebody else to dance with.
Don't worry about what other people will say when they see you get turned down. People don't notice. They're busy watching the good dancers, or chatting with friends. If you keep insisting, THEN people will notice.
You do need to do something about your dancing when EVERYONE doesn't want to dance with you. You're skill might need improvement, despite of how good you may think you are.
As a leader, when you get turned down for a tanda, either via cabeceo, or vebally (if you went up and asked), it should be no big deal. Don't take it personally, she has her reasons. Move on, find somebody else to dance with.
Don't worry about what other people will say when they see you get turned down. People don't notice. They're busy watching the good dancers, or chatting with friends. If you keep insisting, THEN people will notice.
You do need to do something about your dancing when EVERYONE doesn't want to dance with you. You're skill might need improvement, despite of how good you may think you are.
This does nothing to make me MORE interested in the cabaceo method!
It obviously results in a great deal of assumption. Sad that the assumptions are geared towards negative decisions about one's self or the other person.
She turns down a superior dancer and that means she's REALLY stuck-up! Unless of course there's a personal reason that you happen to KNOW about. Maybe if she's even refusing the great dancers, then that is an indication that she seriously can't dance at that moment! Why automatically assume it means something negative about her? Or maybe there is some drama between them that you are blissfully unaware of.. again... nothing negative about her. And if she accepts him and refuses you, why assume it means something negative about you?
What you wrote above seems to imply the whole thing is designed to reinforce insecurity in one's self, and potentially unfair judgements of others.
Yeah really... the only people who might see you get rejected are people who are watching... and who are THEY to judge? After all, they're not dancing either!
Yeah really... the only people who might see you get rejected are people who are watching... and who are THEY to judge? After all, they're not dancing either!
Exactly why I was asking about this... Does refusing to make eye contact count as turning him down? Does being too near sighted to even realize you've supposedly made eye contact and subsequently failing to acknowledge it mean you'll never get to dance with that person EVER? I know if I try all night to catch the eye of a leader I like, and he never responds, I'm going to feel rejected by him. The fact that I didn't ask him outright doesn't change the fact that I feel rejected by him.
I'm not against the use of the cabaceo.. I just question whether it can work in North America to have it become the only way to get dances, and whether its just asking for problems and misunderstandings if some people go by its various meanings and others don't.
If someone wants to use cabeceo to get dances, go for it. If they are going to make assumptions about others based on how they respond (or fail to respond) to cabaceo, that's not so great. In NA, people who use it need to realize that the person they are trying to communicate with may not "speak that language"... the results of a "failed cabaceo" may not mean what it would mean in BA where its use is standard and understood.
Also, the idea that it "works" in BA may be somewhat misleading anyway. Like so many things that are basically self-fullfilling prophesies, the people for whom it may not have ever worked simply gave up the activity. It 'works' by eliminating those for whom it doesn't work until everyone remaining agrees it works.
Captain Jep
Active Member
I can't tell what this smiley is doing (that pesky eyesight thing again!) and so I have no idea whether you are reacting positively or negatively...
All I know is I'm feeling pretty insecure about it because I have to rely on a single tiny visual that I can't see well and no other communication!
Isn't irony grand?
The smiley is supposed to indicate, rolling on the floor laughing. I liked your post very much, and found it funny.I can't tell what this smiley is doing (that pesky eyesight thing again!) and so I have no idea whether you are reacting positively or negatively...
All I know is I'm feeling pretty insecure about it because I have to rely on a single tiny visual that I can't see well and no other communication!
Isn't irony grand?
"who are THEY to judge? After all, they're not dancing either!"
Captain Jep
Active Member
:uplaugh:Oh, for crissakes, just grow a pair and ASK what she means, already!
The Women are on a roll this afternoon.