Tango as it crosses over with the relationships, seduction and sexuality

[Cabbit]

That's what my GF has told me. She said she's not interested in the person and only "needs a body" to exhibit her talents (embellishments, etc.). I took that with a grain of salt since I've seen her dance, and it's clear she dances for more than that.

But now that I'm in the picture, I can tell she has 'toned things down' a bit. I've seen her skills; leg-wraps, boleo's, paradas, el sanguchito's, and how she's immersed in the connection, but when we go to practicas and milongas and she dances with any leader (she typically knows), she does so in an open-embrace and does a lot of basic things, throwing in a boleo every once in a while.
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I feel like my message has been slightly misunderstood. I didn't mean to imply that they don't want a nice dance connection if or when you are able to reach it with them. They do, that is the whole point. But any 'advances' they do, invitations to a practica, chatting... don't imply interest beyond dance. They just want to secure a body, any body to dance with.

You made great advances in tango, I am impressed.

An open embrace on a milonga however... a lot to unpack there.

 

[Cabbit]

Yes, you're right, and seeing my GF has gone to BA 3 times in her life and many Tango Festivals, milongas, etc.

However, there have been a few instances in our beginner class where even she was a little confused by the steps the instructors were introducing us to, so when we tried practicing it, she has missed something small and it caused us to miss the mark.

What kind of beginner classes are you attending? Sounds (unnecessarily) advanced.

 

[WhiskeyPapa]

In my first year I promised my teacher a bottle of champagne each time i crushed a toe (when the champagne bill dropped below the cost of lessons bill, I knew I was making progress)

tell your GF she gets flowers and/or champagne each time it happens. Start right away and DON’Т belittle the pain. Tango actually can lead to serious injuries.

 

[Tango Newbie]

What kind of beginner classes are you attending? Sounds (unnecessarily) advanced.

Well, it's supposed to be a beginner class, but invariably there's a mix of new and more experienced dancers attending, so it's closer to intermediate now (more so than it was when I first started). I do my best to get most of it down, but when we move to practicing, I end up working on a lot of basic steps, etc.

 

[Tango Newbie]

You made great advances in tango, I am impressed.

Thanks for the compliment, that means a lot to me! My GF says the same thing, and the instructors have been very supportive, and patient with me, especially since I'm attending the intermediate/advanced classes (that I only do with my GF, since she's the one between us who's advanced).

 

[opendoor]

What kind of beginner classes are you attending? Sounds (unnecessarily) advanced.

Not at all! As a more advanced dancer you have to attend pure beginner classes. If you don’t do that, your dance partner will be gone tomorrow without having made sure to replenish her with the next one.

 

[Tango Newbie]

In my first year I promised my teacher a bottle of champagne each time i crushed a toe (when the champagne bill dropped below the cost of lessons bill, I knew I was making progress)

tell your GF she gets flowers and/or champagne each time it happens. Start right away and DON’Т belittle the pain. Tango actually can lead to serious injuries.

That's a great technique and funny story! But, I already give her fresh flowers frequently and replace them when they need to be, and she doesn't drink (bad experience with her ex-husband and his excessive drinking years ago). So, I'll think of 'something' (per your advice)...!!

But I will agree with you about the pain, and never minimalize, or belittle it. She's a girly-girl who's quite feminine, so I treat her as such.

 

[Tango Newbie]

Not at all! As a more advanced dancer you have to attend pure beginner classes. If you don’t do that, your dance partner will be gone tomorrow without having made sure to replenish her with the next one.

Yes, my very 'advanced' GF told me when she found out I was taking beginner classes, not only was she pleasantly surprised, but quickly mentioned she needed to go too to "polish things up" especially since the pandemic has kept her off the dance floor. So, she's been making the effort to clear her calendar (as a doctor) on Fridays to free up time so she can attend my usual beginner class as my partner. And the interesting thing is, I always see advanced dancers among us beginners. Maybe they're looking for new partners?

But in my GF's case, "I'm it" and she won't need to "replenish" a dance partner!!

 

[Cabbit]

Not at all! As a more advanced dancer you have to attend pure beginner classes. If you don’t do that, your dance partner will be gone tomorrow without having made sure to replenish her with the next one.

No you dont, and it really depends.

I will agree that attending lessons for and working on basic technique is necessary. Attending pure beginner classes as an advanced follower is somewhere between masochism and a community service. Yes, with amazing teachers who pay attention to detail and equally to both roles, it would be helpful. All the pure beginner courses ive seen however focus on leaders, with minimal attention to followers. It is reasonable. And if two teachers have 10 couples and most of them are still unable to tell their left from their right, paying attention to a more advanced dancer of any role who dropped in would be their lowest of the low priority.

What i meant to say with the previous post is that if a follower like the one described has trouble following and is confused by a 'step' in a beginners course, it is likely that the teachers are being too optimistic in pushing new things without fixing underlying mistakes in the people attending.

 

[Tangogal]

My partner doesn't tango. He does dance but generally prefers swing and a direct quote re tango "Maybe when I retire". We are not evenly matched at swing either - I'm better

That leaves me with partner roulette - I don't attend regular classes anymore. After >15 years I'm done with walking in circles with beginners. What works for me is semi-regular to casual partners. For example if there was a series of classes coming up in January I'd start looking for a partner now - just for those classes. For a boleo workshop in February I'd be asking a semi-regular partner if they were free in the next fortnight and would set-up a practice or two over the next two months to brush up on our partner work. I do have a teacher/sometimes partner whom I assist in classes but we're not really in sync with our goals and ideals.

My boyfriend doesn't care that I have hobbies that don't include him. He's not at all worried that I might run off with one of my half-dozen or so dance partners. He's proud and delighted when I am asked to teach or given special attention by one of the dancing superstars.

 

[Tangogal]

Re stepping on toes. Are you sure that you are leading first and then moving? Once lead her foot should be gone before you step into her space. Are you maybe mixing up which foot she's moving? The average American man weighs about 198 lb (thanks Google) that's a lot to take on a delicate toe.

 

[Tango Newbie]

After >15 years I'm done with walking in circles with beginners.

My girlfriend has been dancing at least as long as you have, and although I'm making what seems to be great progress as a beginner, at times I wonder if she's hiding the fact that she's bored of "walking in circles" with me. Okay, I have a few basics down, but I know before we became a couple she danced with a lot of good dancers and worked on a lot of things that I'm sure she's dying to do sooner than later (with me).

 

[Tango Newbie]

Re stepping on toes. Are you sure that you are leading first and then moving? Once lead her foot should be gone before you step into her space. Are you maybe mixing up which foot she's moving? The average American man weighs about 198 lb (thanks Google) that's a lot to take on a delicate toe.

Yes, that's one of my problems as a beginner; 'feeling' (knowing) where her foot is and which one she has her weight on. I'm 5ft 10in and weigh 186, so I'm not the average man, but still heavy enough to cause my GF pain, even if I slightly hit her toe, which has happened a couple times.
What I did was lead and move too quickly, so I'm working on correcting that, and need to shorten my steps (they're sometimes a tad too big).

 

[Tangogal]

My girlfriend has been dancing at least as long as you have, and although I'm making what seems to be great progress as a beginner, at times I wonder if she's hiding the fact that she's bored of "walking in circles" with me. Okay, I have a few basics down, but I know before we became a couple she danced with a lot of good dancers and worked on a lot of things that I'm sure she's dying to do sooner than later (with me).

Just ask her? I don't know your girlfriend, I can't possibly know what her experience has been, whether she skipped past most of the beginner stuff the first time around, or she's a bit rusty or maybe these teachers teach things her old teacher didn't or they're a different style or maybe she just wants to keep you company? There are myriad reasons and I can only speak to my own.

One final note on toe stepping: do you wear dance shoes or do you wear street shoes? Street shoes can extend beyond the foot of the leader so even when they're stepping correctly their shoes can catch the followers.

 

[Rabbit]

And the interesting thing is, I always see advanced dancers among us beginners. Maybe they're looking for new partners?

It's common for teachers to invite intermediate/advanced dancers to also attend the beginner classes for a free practice session to make up the numbers of leaders/followers.