It's necessary to be a 'dancer' first to break the 'rules'.
Precisely!
That's one of my coach's mantras. She regularly reminds me that I see tango from the perspective of 11 years of intensive training, practice, and milonga attendance. She had me add it all up once as an eye-opener – and yes, it's classroom and lesson time best tallied in hundreds if not thousands of hours, and floor time best counted in thousands if not tens of thousands of hours, plus some teaching experience, that turned me, someone who isn't a "natural dancer" with amazing grace, flexibility, speed, etc., into a dancer. Plenty of things that now seem easy to me would be witheringly difficult for a non-dancer.
And it's definitely non-dancers we're talking about – not dancers from other styles. I actually ask people about their dance backgrounds. For every dancer who says Latin, or swing, or whatever, there are 8-10 who tell me that AT is their first and only dance. Tango contrasts so starkly with other dances in many regards that as often as not, it draws people who are turned off by other styles and never try them. I'd wager that at most milongas, the majority of dancers dance tango and that's it, aside from the 4-6 people in 100 who dance the evening's one salsa set.
We cannot wisely hang tango's future on non-dancers learning athletics. Never mind lifts and such . . . a lot of leaders around me can't even pivot in place without stumbling. Asked to lift their free leg to prove they've transferred weight fully, they wobble.
Attracting males to dance remains the big problem.
Huge. And interestingly, they're not the ones drawn to stage tango. Stage tango classes here struggle to find men. At the risk of sounding sexist or old-fashioned: Stage tango appeals to the "princess fantasy" still socially programmed into girls by Western society, and most men find the corresponding male roles lack, um, masculinity. It's a battle.
Maybe it does need that social allure of people to talk to, of food (the Tea Dance?), that grand Palm Court setting (e.g.Scent of a Woman) with live orchestra and people sat around, or just the social bar space which also provides a dance space.
The social allure is
vastly overlooked. A big part of it is that AT transplanted outside of its home culture always seems to take root in dance studios that smell of sweat and shoes. There's no equivalent – at least where I live – of a little bar, confitería, or other neighborhood hangout where I can show up any time during business hours to grab a coffee, snack, or drink, and dance with other patrons to tango music that's playing all day.
And, of course, the milonga - as discussed at length elsewhere. So stuck in their view of 'tradition' and 'rules' that it frightens people away, or welcoming.
Yes. One of the women who's fast becoming a favorite person to invite pointed this out just last evening: "People really need to learn to smile and have fun." The secret codes and furtive stares might unite those in the know, but they alienate everyone else. It's the social version of "you have to be a dancer first": If you're already into tango, you might find it charming, even fundamental to the dance; if you aren't, you're just going to find it dire.
esp the women. Perhaps due to cabaceo and not wanting to be asked. Only a few will make an eye contact and smile. 
