I personally find it more comfortable (and painless) to use the ankle rather than the hip as the hinge point. The angle is less for the same amount of horizontal force.
There seems to be mostly consensus that some amount of horizontal force is correct in close embrace, both in order to feel more like a "real" embrace and have a better functioning contact point for the partners to feel each others' movements. When I was experimenting with the amount, I didn't feel that going past the range where the centre of gravity was over the front of the foot actually felt any better.
I suspect most of this is within the realm of personal preference.
Yes, you cannot ignore personal preference, nor personal experience,
nor personal health, strength, nor physicality.
I am surprised you rate the pain worse for hip-joint hingeing,
assuming you are meaning that because in my experience
many people ignore the hip joint and think the hips are higher.
After all, hipster trousers are not settled at the hip joint!
Like many things in tango I had to work at the physicality
of hip-joint hinging. And I feel that "force" is a too strong
interpretation, more like intention. Words alone cannot
reliably convey meaning and understanding.
So, perhaps, try this.
Stand facing the edge of a door, feet a couple of inches
from the edge and body positioned so when you lean
your head can go to the left of the door. Now experiment
by bending at the hip joint. On making chest contact your
weight will have moved towards the front of your feet but
will not be in front of your. There's no feeling of being in
danger of losing balance or control should the door be
suddenly removed and your can easily recover your normal
verticality using feet and ankles. You also can also control
the forward intention you can give in the door hinge direction.
This control is very different to leaning rather from the ankles
and it also highers the connection level of the bodies.
If this doesn't feel comfortable or attainable then look
to core strength improvement. For a while I used the door
as a practice tool to develop the control. An Argentine dancer
Talking about this with an Argentine the morning after his
birthday party the night before he went he placed a folded
blanket on the wall at chest height and leaned against it
so that the blanket gave space for his head. An alternative.
Of course I don't know your physicality and that has to be
taken into account. It would have been pointless for Tete
since he carried his stomach before him as did a Tango
teacher of mine calling it his tango tummy. That's cheating!