Single follower at Milongas (to risk or not to risk)

[TTanguero]

There are a few “tricks” to catching someone’s eye.
1. Sit where you can be seen
2. If you are seated with a couple be nice to them and the leader will probably ask you to dance.
3. Wear something eye-catching. It’s hard to pick out one face in a sea of black dresses
4. Wear tango-looking shoes. Leaders often try to assess skills by the shoes. A salsa/Latin/ballroom dancer will be less likely to have AT skills. Don’t wear sneakers until you’re well known and/or before midnight.
5. Be clear about your intention to dance. No glancing down or rummaging in a bag. No deep and meaningful conversations. When the cortina starts stretch your neck and look around until someone holds eye contact.

Worth quoting in full – agree with all of it.

The other issue with woman wearing sneakers is that is often signals she is leading rather than following. I know several dual-role dancers who use shoe swaps as a signal of their current role.

 

[JournalInTime]

The other issue with woman wearing sneakers is that is often signals she is leading rather than following. I know several dual-role dancers who use shoe swaps as a signal of their current role.

Sneakers are a tricky subject. When I worked as a barman, I was also the backup shoe salesperson at the boutique and the person asked to keep expensive shoes safe behind the bar and the one who collected all the forgotten footwear after the milonga. I developed the ability to tell dance sneakers from the common kind.

I somewhat doubt that most people can tell. I'm sure maniacs who post a few thousand words a month here are exceptions, but we aren't everyone.

Anyway, ordinary sneakers are sticky and unsuitable for wooden dance floors. They're not a good choice for the wearer, and not great for their partner. Many leaders see them and decide not to invite . . .

Which is why I'd recommend the kind that look like dance shoes, not athletic shoes. My coach calls them "dance sneakers" or "teacher's shoes" interchangeably. They're basically closed dance shoes with low heels and usually a split or flexible sole. From any distance, they don't look like sneakers. To those who know what they are, they signal a competent dancer who invests in specialized footwear suited to both roles.

 

[Tangogal]

When you are well-known you can wear athletic shoes with a modified sole. I had a great pair that I had a cobbler put suede (chrome leather) on. They were light and flexible yet supportive to tired feet. Strictly for local and class use not for fancy milongas

 

[JournalInTime]

When you are well-known you can wear athletic shoes with a modified sole. I had a great pair that I had a cobbler put suede (chrome leather) on. They were light and flexible yet supportive to tired feet. Strictly for local and class use not for fancy milongas

Man, now I want some.

 

[Tangogal]

Man, now I want some.

Mine were a “Mustang” brand gold pair that had a zip as well as laces. I bought them for €10 and had them modified for about €20. They were great! Much better than Keds or Vans (the most popular ones). The key is to choose a lightweight pair with a flat outer sole and low tread.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

When the cortina starts stretch your neck and look around until someone holds eye contact.

And smiling helps as well.

 

[ArbeeNYC]

Though well-worn dance sneakers or teaching shoes are fine, because that tells me the wearer is a serious dancer who buys purpose-made dance wear and dances enough to wear it out.

Oof, those are so hideous. Even for practice, they're awful. And they look terrible with a tango outfit.

 

[Tangogal]

And smiling helps as well.

Not especially. Some leaders like a friendly, happy looking follower, others prefer a “cool girl” vibe.

 

[itwillhappen]

Ugh. I hate sitting all alone and forlorn at a milonga.

Of course, you should feel comfortable and enjoy a milonga socially!
But I also see the follower, which doesn't seem to get the cortina, the beginning of the first piece, when they could sit up and look around instead of chatting.
In such cases I think to myself, even if they wanted to dance, I wouldn't miss much.

 

[Tangogal]

Of course, you should feel comfortable and enjoy a milonga socially!
But I also see the follower, which doesn't seem to get the cortina, the beginning of the first piece, when they could sit up and look around instead of chatting.
In such cases I think to myself, even if they wanted to dance, I wouldn't miss much.

It may be a cultural thing but it’s very difficult to extract oneself from a conversation without being rude.

 

[JournalInTime]

It may be a cultural thing but it’s very difficult to extract oneself from a conversation without being rude.

True. However, at least among my addicted tango friends, it's acceptable to inject "Cortina! Can we pause for invitations?" As one friend observed, "There are conversations and then there are conversations at the milonga."

 

[Brummbaer]

But I also see the follower, which doesn't seem to get the cortina, the beginning of the first piece, when they could sit up and look around instead of chatting.
In such cases I think to myself, even if

It may be a cultural thing but it’s very difficult to extract oneself from a conversation without being rude.

Whether a partner is chosen during the cortina or the start of the first piece in the tanda depends on whether people are there just to dance, or they want to dance to that music. Forewarning the next tanda, as illustrated in the DJ thread, if available, changes that.

It also depends on the context of the milonga. It can just be for dancing and to choose available dance partners, or to socialise with some dancing. Sometimes those conversations can be more important.

It's one reason why cabeceo/mirada can be good if the sole purpose is to dance.

The key aspect is to be available and clearly seeking a dance at the salient points if you wish to dance.

 

[JournalInTime]

Whether a partner is chosen during the cortina or the start of the first piece in the tanda depends on whether people are there just to dance, or they want to dance to that music. Forewarning the next tanda, as illustrated in the DJ thread, if available, changes that.

It also depends on the context of the milonga. It can just be for dancing and to choose available dance partners, or to socialise with some dancing. Sometimes those conversations can be more important.

It's one reason why cabeceo/mirada can be good if the sole purpose is to dance.

The key aspect is to be available and clearly seeking a dance at the salient points if you wish to dance.

All of which is complicated by the fact that – even in today's world of social media and text messages – you never know for sure who's going to be there. I don't travel much for dance, but I have done it, and I've been surprised to run into a friend from another city in a third city where neither of us lives. I've gone to my local milongas which have long-established crowds only to see nobody I know because it's summer, they're all away on vacation, and the attendees are tourists on their vacations. Even when you see people you know, someone might have had a bad day, or be playing host to visitors, or be on some sort of date they'd prefer to have uninterrupted. Newly met people could end up being more interesting in conversation than on the dance floor. And as the night wears on, you might wear out and be more interested in talk than dance, or warm up and grow more interested in dance than talk.

In brief, you could show up intending to be social and end up just dancing, or show up intending to be a near-anonymous dancer and end up being social.

I think that a lone dancer – leader or follower – needs to be more flexible than usual on all of these points. It's fine to say, "Since I know nobody here, I'm going just to dance," but you might in fact meet someone you know who has a reputation you don't know, and not be aware of the message you send by socializing with them. You might make friends the moment you walk in the door – ditto. You may show up at the hour most dancers there see as "too early" or "too late." You could miss invitations by not being social enough with strangers . . . or by being too social with them.

My experience is that, overall, being social is the best bet initially, but once you start dancing as a consequence of that, it's wise to focus on the dancing more than the socializing.

 

[Tangogal]

True. However, at least among my addicted tango friends, it's acceptable to inject "Cortina! Can we pause for invitations?" As one friend observed, "There are conversations and then there are conversations at the milonga."

That would not be acceptable here. It might be possible to say something like “I must try and get a dance in with x” if there was a particular lull in conversation. Otherwise I’d have to listen to the correct way to prune a bay tree or the debate on whether carrots should go in a lasagne (examples of real conversations) for another while.

I have a “friendly face” people like to talk to me. It doesn’t always translate into people want to dance with me. Better to keep conversation to a minimum.

 

[TTanguero]

whether carrots should go in a lasagne (examples of real conversations)

Sorry, but if you're associating with the sort of savages who would put carrots in a lasagne, you deserve everything you get ...